Sharing is Caring …And Also Scary as Hell.

August 12, 2015 miscellaneous 14

I’m going to do something a little bit different today.

You might or might not have heard that Shannon from It Starts at Midnight, Inge from Bookshelf Reflections and Kayla of The Thousand Lives are hosting an event called Shattering Stigmas at the moment. Shattering Stigmas is all about being open and honest about mental health issues, and each of these three have shared their respective stories.

If you want to take a look, here they are:

Shannon

Inge

Kayla

I’ll be honest with you guys. I wasn’t sure whether to write this post, because I use my real name on this blog and anyone can find it, whether I’m comfortable sharing or not, be it a potential employer or someone I know personally. However, I think it’s incredibly important to talk about these things more openly than we’re doing right now, because it’s not something to be ashamed of, and the one thing that always makes everything worse is thinking you’re alone with it. Since that’s the spirit of this event, it inspired me to share.

Quick disclaimer: I don’t really talk about this very much, because I always feel like it’s not THAT bad, and my life isn’t impacted THAT much and maybe I’m just being a drama queen, and so many people are dealing with so much worse, so I just feel like a bit of a hypochondriac, but fuck that for today. The strangest things have helped me in the past, so maybe someone will take something away from this. Or not, but that’s okay too.

The things I’m going to talk about more or less go hand in hand, but since this is such a long, rambly post, I decided to divide them into sections.

Self-Esteem

I never liked myself much growing up, but I figured that was just normal. Teenagers aren’t exactly known for being balanced, happy, and foaming with self-love, right? About two years ago something happened that made me feel very bad. I don’t want to share the details, but I felt that my reaction was disproportionate to the event. One day I Googled “why do I always feel like I’m not good enough” and I KNOW sob story much? But the thing is, this post came up: I’m Not Good Enough: The World Through a Low Self-Esteem Lens. You should check it out if you’re interested, but here’s a short quote:

When you don’t have good self-esteem it’s because in having conditional love for yourself, you try to get people (and sometimes objects and substances) to create feelings in you that you don’t feel yourself. You make external sources the solution to your internal problems, after all, if you don’t like and love you, why would you believe that you could entrust yourself with the responsibility of you?

If the only thing you’ve ever known is to not feel good enough, it’s hard to imagine even an entire day where you can genuinely like and love you. You’d be subconsciously waiting for the other shoe to drop.

That post was so, so helpful to me, because it was the first time I realized I actually HAD a problem. I mean it’s all good and fine to say I’ll work on it, but it’s kind of hard to work on it when you don’t even realize there’s something that needs to be worked on. I had incredibly low self-esteem. I was constantly insulting myself in my own head, and I thought that was normal.



My low self-esteem can’t be traced back to one single thing, but part of it comes from the fact that I was bullied a lot when I was younger. I’ve suppressed a lot of it, but there are some instances that are like sharp images in my mind – the time someone wrote “Vlora is fat” on the board and the teacher opened it in front of the whole class, the time I got a hateful anonymous letter with the letters cut out from magazines, the time a whole group of people waited for me when I went to take out the trash as a child and all sang something derogatory and put thistles in my hear – you know, the fun stuff. Even now that’s the hardest part of this post to share, because somehow I think people will see ME as something lesser for having experienced that. It’s kind of fucked up, really. The difference is, that now I DO share it. Well, I might. I still have to hit that publish button, but if you’re reading this GO ME.



I have been working on this. I have to make a conscious effort every day to be kind to myself, to not criticize myself too much, and to not over generalize (“I’m ALWAYS bad at stuff like this, I’ll NEVER be able to do that, everyone else does so much more than I do”). I believe that you have to be happy with yourself first and happy with everyone else second. I push myself to do things that I wouldn’t normally have done because of body image issues, or because I didn’t believe in myself. It’s incredibly hard sometimes, and I feel like I’m stagnating a little now, but I’m genuinely trying and I’m grateful for that. It’s a very long process, but I don’t want to miss more opportunities because I’m worried I’m not good enough. I am. And if I have to remind myself of that every day, I will continue to do that.

Depression

Again, I wasn’t really aware of this for a long time. Growing up and especially around the age of 18/19, I’ve had times where I felt disconnected, like I wasn’t feeling the things I was supposed to feel, and like nothing was worth doing. Even now I’m going through a “what’s the purpose of doing anything really?” phase. I’ve always found it hard to motivate myself for things that I don’t want to do, and I still do. To an extent that’s normal, but I have periods where I just don’t feel like anything is worth doing. It won’t necessarily mean I won’t do anything, but it’s not a great feeling.

The real problem, however, is that my part-time inability to DO stuff also pertains to things that I actually WANT to do. But sometimes I just wake up and I …can’t. I’ll feel bad for no reason, so there’s nothing I can do or fix. It hasn’t ruined my life (few things can ruin a life permanently, actually): I always do the bare minimum – if I have to be at work, I go. If I have to take an important test or else I won’t get my degree, I take the test. I’ll just tell myself to get through the day and do the absolute least I have to do before I can get back home. That’s not a fun way to live though.



If it’s one of those days, and it’s not absolutely vital that I actually show up at where I have to be (for example a lecture I can skip), then I won’t go. I remember a day last semester, where I just COULDN’T get myself to go to my seminar at noon. I just felt rotten for no reason. I spent the whole day not doing much of anything, but then I somehow got up to take a shower and go to the lecture in the evening. It’s something that’s not actually a huge achievement usually, but honestly? I was kind of proud. The same happened another day, where I didn’t leave the house, but managed to get up, get ready and film a video. I still didn’t feel great afterwards, but I felt slightly better. Actually DOING something usually helps at least a little; it’s just really hard to get that initial motivation to do so, and it won’t fix the issue.

I now usually recognize depression. There’s no real reason for feeling that way (which, I guess, makes it depression in the first place), but I’ve noticed that little sleep exacerbates it, so I try to get a decent amount, and I pretty much never go without no sleep at all anymore. The fact that I can set my own schedule at university helps with that, and when I have to get up early for work (or now the internship) I try going to bed earlier than I usually would. Often I just need to get through the day, and then it’ll be better the next day, and that thought helps. The worst thing is feeling like it won’t get better, but now that I know how this works, I’m able to feel a little more positive about it and realize that it probably will get better, even if it doesn’t feel like it. If it worked that way in the past, it will probably work that way again.

So in conclusion: I still struggle with it, but it’s been incredibly helpful for me to realize that it’s a process and that you won’t just get cured. There will be bad days, but I’ve more or less made my peace with it and just wait them out when they come. I try to do what I can to make it better – even if it just means being kind to myself when I don’t manage to get better. Also, this might sound worse than it is. I still have a milder form of depression, and I’m often okay. Just like with low self-esteem, I’ve been trying to actively focus on positive thoughts, and I think it has helped, but it’s a long process and it’s not really something that just stops. I have become a lot better at dealing with it though, I think.

EDIT: I’ve done some more research, and this actually describes it quite well. Not all symptoms apply exactly, but less severe than major depressive episodes and still usually able to master daily life, but very long lasting (chronic) symptoms that almost seem like a part of one’s personality describes it fairly adequately. As I haven’t talked to a professional, I’m not claiming I have dysthymia, but it’s a good description at least.

Panic attacks?

This is the only thing that I don’t really know how to handle. My depression isn’t that severe, so I can usually deal with it in some form or another, and I have developed some coping mechanisms to get through bad days. But there’s something that I don’t know how to fix and that’s panic attacks caused by fear of death. I know everyone has to die. I know I have to die. I can think about it in the abstract and I won’t panic at all. But sometimes at night (often I’m woken up again when I’m already half asleep), I realize that I’m actually, really, definitely going to die and there is absolutely nothing I can do. And I KNOW that’s true for everyone and it’s kind of ridiculous for me to feel that way, but my body doesn’t know that. My heart starts racing, and I feel actual terror.



I’ve never experienced anything like it before. I’ve been afraid, of course, but I haven’t felt real terror like that. I usually manage to snap out of the physical part by very, very consciously making an effort to push the thought away and go back to blissful (sort of) denial, so I’m not sure it’s an actual panic attack (can you snap out of those?), but it’s really, REALLY not fun, and I’ll feel shaken for a while afterwards and it can cause some underlying depression the next couple of days. I have only told this to very few people, but no one really feels the same way, and even Google didn’t deliver much. I guess most people have a belief system that gives them some comfort, but I’m not religious or spiritual, so that doesn’t really help.

Introversion

Obviously, introversion isn’t a mental illness, but I wanted to talk about it anyway, because I feel like a lot of people don’t really know what it means exactly (I didn’t) and might not realize that some of their anxiety in certain situations can stem from it. Sometime around the end of 2013 or the beginning of 2014 I read a post about being an introvert while travelling (it’s in German, but I thought I’d link it anyway), and – once again – a light went off in my head. I had usually heard the word used interchangeably with “shy” and I think I had a bit of a wrong definition of it in my head. At its core, being an introvert simply means that you get your energy from within and not from your external environment. I always think of it as recharching my batteries when I’m alone and not when I’m with people.

That doesn’t mean I never want to be with people – in fact, I need good friends in my life in order to not feel alone and be happy – I just need alone time to recharge after meeting them. Social situations with a lot of people I don’t know (or even people I know) make me nervous. It doesn’t always suck of course; sometimes they’re fun. I just probably won’t enjoy it for as long as other people will, and I’ll need time by myself afterwards.

For example, I stayed at a hotel with my cousin for a week last year. After a while, I started realizing I was getting crabby and easily annoyed with her. Now I need to mention that it absolutely wasn’t her fault. We were both spending some time reading and relaxing, and she wasn’t doing anything to piss me off. The reason I felt that way was because I needed some time by myself – not to get away from her, but to get back to a better mindset myself. Sometimes just an hour makes a difference in whether I’m a great person to be around or a horrible one.



Some other “symptoms” of being an introvert: People I don’t know stress me out. I like making new friends, but I HATE the small talk phase. I’m usually much, MUCH better and more comfortable in smaller groups of friends than in larger ones. I’ll have a lot more fun going for drinks, or at a game night, or just hanging out with close friends than going to a huge social event. I’m happy to take a seminar with friends, but if there’s no one I know, I’m fine to sit by myself and read a book during lunch break instead of making new friends. I can spend days by myself immersed in some project or another and I’ll be fine. (I will go crazy if I don’t meet someone after a while though.)



It can be a struggle when you have a lot of extroverted friends who don’t understand (which happens, because all the other introverts are probably busy doing their thing). No matter how often I say I don’t really like clubbing to some people, they just literally do not understand it. And I get it – it can be hard to imagine how someone else feels when their feeling completely opposite about something, but GRRR.



It’s completely normal to be introverted, and I’ve read somewhere (Reviews and Cake, quoting reliable sources since 2014) that about half of humanity is introverted to some extent. It’s a lot more socially acceptable to be an extrovert, but it’s completely fine to be an introvert. It’s harder to make new friends when you move to a new place, and you might have to step out of your comfort zone a lot to achieve it, but that’s not always a bad thing. Okay, okay, sometimes it blows, but usually it helps you grow as a person.

So Anyways

This novel post got a lot longer than I expected, so if you’re still reading this kudos to you. I want to mention that I’m mostly sharing this, because, as you can see above, some blog posts have helped me a lot, so if there’s ANY chance that this could help someone even the slightest bit, I’ll put it out there. Also, I wanted to show my support for Shattering Stigmas, because I think it’s an awesome idea, and I really do believe we should be talking about mental health more openly, because almost everyone I know has had some sort of experience with it in the past.



So while it’s incredibly hard for me to share this so openly, I’m doing it mainly just to show that it SHOULD be more acceptable to share things like this without being judged. Having some sort of mental health condition doesn’t mean being a lesser person, and a lot of the time we have the wrong impression of what something actually is and how it works. I know I do, so I look forward to learning more.

On a lighter note, here’s a buzzfeed post on introvert pickup lines I found while searching for gifs. Take a look, it’s hilarious.

14 Responses to “Sharing is Caring …And Also Scary as Hell.”

  1. Shannon @ It Starts At Midnight

    Damn this post is awesome. First, THANK YOU for sharing it! Vlora, I have never ever encountered anyone with the panic over death thing before either! I mean, I am not GLAD that you panic over it also, but I am glad that neither of us is alone, because I am right there with you. Even therapists haven’t known what to do about them. They’re like “well, just think logically” or “find a belief system”. Ummm no? That can’t just be done, or I’d have done it!

    That site about the self-esteem. WOW. Thank you SO much for sharing that, because it just describes my feelings perfectly. Like, it’s eerie how much I feel that way- especially the part about the other shoe dropping, that is 100% how I feel!

    And the depression, yep. I had a lot of that in college too, where I’d know what I could miss and just.. not go. I don’t know if you felt this way because I know you said you’d be proud when you did go to something you HAD to go to, but sometimes I almost feel like, mad at myself- like WHY do I have to do these things, why do I force myself?

    Anyway, your post is so amazing and so freaking brave. Thank you SO MUCH for sharing it- you made ME feel less alone, and I am only the first commenter ;)

    OH and your fear about employers and such- that is one of the things that just saddens me so much, because it is legitimate! My dad once told me that I should never talk about this stuff because “what if someone sees it?” He even wanted me to go a few towns over to a counselor so people wouldn’t see my CAR in the parking lot! But I said to him that if someone didn’t want to hire me, or associate with me based on something that was out of my control and that I was TRYING to make better, then I clearly didn’t want to be associated with that person anyway :D

    BIG hugs, and thank you so, so much for sharing this <3 <3 <3
    Shannon @ It Starts At Midnight recently posted…Shattering Stigmas: A Guest Post From Rachel M. WilsonMy Profile

    • Vlora

      Vlora

      Yeah, it’s like if I could believe in anything that would comfort me, don’t you think I already would!? I just kind of feel like the belief in life after death is more a human coping mechanism than anything else, which I KNOW terribly disrespectful of religion, and I try to see other viewpoints, but I can’t really help what I (don’t) believe when it comes to that.

      You’re very welcome! It really did open my eyes, so I’m glad you found yourself in it too. Well, not glad, but you know.

      Well, it kind of depends. I like learning, I just sometimes disagree with the education system. I generally don’t always feel motivated about going to seminars or lectures, especially when they are obligatory, BUT when I don’t partake in education one way or another I just feel stuck and purposeless and like I’m missing something, so it is kind of essential for me. I absolutely detest writing term papers, but if I’m not learning anything new for a couple of months I’ll hit those coursera courses like a pro. (I never finish them, but at least I learned something.)

      On top of that, I also have no clue what else to do with my life and going to university gives me some structure, but not too much, so I generally love being a student. I’ve just been feeling unenthusiastic lately. I always feel like I should have that ONE thing I’m super passionate about that I want to do, but I just don’t and that really bothers me sometimes. I love learning new things for a while, but then I get bored and disinterested and have to do something else. Which isn’t usually how the world works. I absolutely think that you should WANT to learn though, otherwise it won’t do anyone any good, and it’s just a waste of time and energy.

      I’m so glad that the post helped you at least a little bit! Feeling alone with these things is the worst thing, and it’s the main reason I posted it. It’s so much more common than people realize, and you never know because no one talks about it and that’s just STUPID. I hate that your dad said that (though I’m sure there’s a reason he’s afraid of other people’s judgement) – it always makes it harder when you confide in someone and they make you feel like it’s something you need to hide. And yes, that was also my reasoning behind posting this (if they wouldn’t hire me because of THAT, then I woudldn’t want to work there), but of course it’s not always that easy. Rent has to be paid unless one wants to live the hippie life.

      Thank YOU for leaving such a great comment and hosting this event. :)
      Vlora recently posted…Sharing is Caring …And Also Scary as Hell.My Profile

  2. Alyssa

    OH MY. I am beyond happy that #ShatteringStigma is actually being a very awesome thing around the Internet. And *hugs* it is SUPER BRAVE of you to put this on the Internet, because yeah, the Internet is forever. I don’t use my real name and I’m still worried about posting personal stuff. So GO YOU.

    And pfft, anyone who thinks lesser of you for (once) having lower self-esteem is ridiculous and clearly will think lesser of you for having high esteem as well and therefore should not be listened to. IMO, anyone who’s managed to work their way through all this is so badass I cannot even. You’re awesome. Don’t listen to anyone who says otherwise.

    OH. YES TO INTROVERTS. There was actually a mini-thing going around the Internet in March/April-ish, wherein Opal wrote a letter to extroverts as an introvert, Aimee did the reverse, and Heather did the reverse-reverse, and I did a letter to the world from INTJs. I linked to all of them in my post, so if you wanna check it out? http://randommorbidinsanity.blogspot.hk/2015/04/a-letter-from-intjs.html

    ANYWAYS. You are a glorious person for sharing this and you deserve to have all the cake.
    Alyssa recently posted…Delivery Fangirl [6]: Tragic Backstory Does Not Excuse VillainyMy Profile

    • Vlora

      Vlora

      ME TOO. I love that it’s encouraging people to talk about mental health and share their own stories. I know haha, once it’s out there it’s out there, so…oops?

      Oh, I actually read your post already, but I never read the other ones, so I just did. They all make their point very eloquently, and they’re all valid. Extroverts exhaust me sometimes, but it’s also true that I have a lot of extrovert friends, because they’re so much easier to befriend and obviously the introvert/extrovert difference doesn’t mean that you can’t have anything in common. I think it’s also important to remember that a lot of people are ambiverts or on the scale some way or another. I thought it was really interesting to read Aimee’s letter, and I’ll try not to feel offended the next time someone asks me whether I’m okay WHEN I’M PERFECTLY FINE SITTING BY MYSELF AND WRITING. Ahem, sorry, touchy subject. One time I was sitting in the Cartagena Hard Rock Cafe by myself (I was travelling alone) and writing some thing or another, and it was genuinely the best I’d felt in days when this person walks up to me and asks me whether I’m okay and if I want to join them, and I think they even said I looked sad. Which, you know, is terribly nice (unless they wanted to drug me and steal all my things), but it just made me feel pitied.

      Aaaanyways, thank you SO MUCH for your comment! I genuinely appreciate your kind words.
      Vlora recently posted…Sharing is Caring …And Also Scary as Hell.My Profile

  3. Karolina @ Bookshelf Reflections

    I’m so proud of you, Vlora! I can identify with everything – fucking everything – you mentioned above! Even the panic of death. I’ve never actually panicked over it. As you might now, I panics over completely different things, but death being something I can’t really control (or let’s face it, I don’t want to, unless I can just put it off forever and also put it off for everyone I love despite how selfish this sounds) so it also gives me that feeling of helplessness. I remember the time my dad first told me that him and mom like all people are going to die someday. I spent the next few days crying. Literally. Since then I often get this pressure on my chest that feels like when you are on a roller coaster and are expecting the fall of doom? It’s not an entirely unpleasant feeling. It can also indicate excitement. But when it comes out of the blue I know what it means and I start thinking about death again and getting scared and freaking out. I think you are right, people with a belief system aren’t really as scared about this. I’ve talked to my mom about this who is a strict Catholic and she says that she is scared of it, but at the same time she likes to think that there is something grater beyond. I don’t believe in the beyond. Sometimes I think she’s foolish. But sometimes when I’m freaking out about it, thinking that there is something after that black hole of doom helps push the fear aside and focus on something else. So I’ll say to myself, “well there might not be paradise and hell, because let’s face it, there better be no hell or you’d end up in it, but there must be something. There can’t just be nothing.” So I choose to believe in reincarnation in that moment – despite not having any actual beliefs – and hoping that this is indeed how it works and I’ll have more luck in life next time. ;) this allows me to push the fear away or at least maniacally try to think about something else – happy things, series, a comedy I watched – anything really that will make sure I don’t break out in heaves and end up on the next plane home to go hug my parents. I actually know quite a few people who are irrationally scared of death. I wouldn’t call it panic attacks, but definitely a strengthend fear of it. Is it irrational? Well, according to other people sure. In my opinion: can anything concerning death really be irrational? After all, death is rational so if there is something to be scared off, shouldn’t it be it?
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
    Karolina @ Bookshelf Reflections recently posted…The Turmoil Inside: An Overdue IntrospectionMy Profile

    • Vlora

      Vlora

      Yeah, that’s just the thing… everything else, the low self-esteem and random periods of not feeling good, I know that’s mostly just irrational, and I should work on it. Fear of death though (which certainly exacerbates the depression)? Not actually that irrational. And it’s not like anyone has an answer for it, not even a therapist. Yes, the people I’ve talked to have all (ahem, by all I mean like two) been religious or spiritual in some form or another. Which, good for them! But I just can’t believe in it, so that’s that.

      Thanks for your kind and thoughtful comment; I really appreciate it.
      Vlora recently posted…Sharing is Caring …And Also Scary as Hell.My Profile

  4. Inge @ Bookshelf Reflections

    Thank you so much for this post, Vlora, and know that you’re incredibly brave for talking about this out in the open. Also, I love that link with introvert pick-up lines hahaha, I’ve had it bookmarked for a while. It gives me a few chuckles every now and then. (Also I’m studying for when I actually meet an attractive male specimen who doesn’t make me want to run away.)

    Depression sucks. Panic attacks SUCK. I know a lot of people with anxiety disorder who fear death, but I don’t think many of them really talk about it because they’re scared of them coming across as weird. Because “of course everyone needs to die and you can’t do anything about it so why worry”? SHYEAH. As if it were that easy.

    In any case, you’re one of my favourite people here in the blogosphere, and if you ever feel like you need to talk to someone who’s not an IRL friend (because they’re scary when it comes to talking about real problems), you know where to find me.
    Inge @ Bookshelf Reflections recently posted…The Turmoil Inside: An Overdue IntrospectionMy Profile

    • Vlora

      Vlora

      Thanks so much for your comment; it means a lot. Yes, it does indeed suck. I was just taking a test (because those are so reliable online) and I actually just found this, which I think covers my state pretty well: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysthymia. It’s not THAT bad, but it’s persistent, and it just kind of feels like part of my personality.

      Yes, I think it’s not necessarily something people would talk about? To be honest, the thing that surprised me most is that I can’t find anything when I Google it haha. Usually at least someone feels the same way and has consulted Yahoo questions or something (another completely reliable source), but with that? Zilch.

      Aw thanks so much, right back at ‘cha! And thanks for the offer. <3
      Vlora recently posted…Sharing is Caring …And Also Scary as Hell.My Profile

  5. Kayla @ The Thousand Lives

    Okay, that first gif is PERFECT. I absolutely love that attitude and I need to have it more often :D Even if it isn’t “that bad”, it’s still something that happened in your life and it’s STILL important. I’m so glad you’re sharing!

    I can’t believe people are that horrible sometimes D: Those circumstances are horrible and honestly I’d feel the same way. But I really like that quote, that you have to find your worth inside yourself and not trust everyone else to do that for you.

    Actually while I was reading your depression section I was thinking dysthymia – it may be something that you can go talk to a doctor about? If you’re not wanting to do that though, getting up and moving always helps, like you said! Getting enough vitamin D, B, and Iron is good too if you want to go a nutritional route.

    YES you can definitely snap out of panic attacks! Mine always feel like a pop when I get out of them. Usually I can’t identify when I’m having one, but I cross that boundary to “not” and then I realize that I was having one.
    Kayla @ The Thousand Lives recently posted…Shattering Stigmas: My List of RecommendationsMy Profile

    • Vlora

      Vlora

      Dude, I need to have it more often haha. It’s still difficult to share, but I just sort of close my eyes, hit the button and live in denial afterwards.

      Yeah, I was thinking about maybe doing that. We’ll see, but I’m definitely considering it.Oh okay, that’s good to know about panic attacks! Sorry you’re having them too, but thanks for sharing.
      Vlora recently posted…Birthday Bash and BooksMy Profile

  6. Olivia Roach

    Vlora, thank you SO MUCH for sharing your story with us. Honestly. I know it isn’t something so easy to do because well, it’s so hard to sometimes throw everything out there in the open. I was one of those people who was way too shy to share their story, so I am very appreciate right now.

    And I am not going to be able to say I can relate to this. I have never been bullied. My little sister has been and it is so horrible for people to have to got through that. It bothers me that so many people sometimes end up including themselves in doing wrong, and the results of it do affect people afterwards but for some reason high school bullying gets minimised in generally in people’s eyes once you are older.

    But yes, it’s so important to realise that is not normal to feel so low in self-esteem and emotions. You seem to be good at identifying it when it is happening, which is definitely such a good thing to begin with. I am hoping that with the right help you can get over those depressive periods you might feel. You definitely have the right attitude though. There IS so much to live for.

    And you’re truly an amazing person <3
    Olivia Roach recently posted…Nail Extravaganza ~ City of Bones #2My Profile

    • Vlora

      Vlora

      Yeah, it can really leave an impact, but at the same time the people doing the bullying probably have some problems of their own (or are just complete psychopaths, but I’m guessing most of the time it’s the former). I imagine it’s very hard to see someone you love, like you’re little sister, go through it!

      I’m lucky in that I don’t have depression all the time and I always try to work on my low self-esteem and all that ish, and one of the ways I’ve found helps me do that is to be open and not ashamed about it, because it DOES matter and so many people are going through similar stuff. Thanks so much for your comment, Olivia!
      Vlora recently posted…Ou la la! Paris Shenanigans and Fiery Body PartsMy Profile

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